Here

I’m tired.
I’m sad.
Sort of.
Maybe sad isn’t the right word.
I don’t care
much
I’m okay
I’m not okay
I want to change but I don’t
don’t as in I don’t want to change
don’t as in I just don’t change
I want my baby
I like my work but I don’t want to do it
I just want to sleep

These are the days that I sleep with the teddy bear they gave us that night in the ER. It’s about the same size he was. When I rub my lips on its soft fur, it reminds me of kissing him. Its little bottom is about the same size as his even. But it’s not him. God, I miss him.